AuDHD: When Autism and ADHD Pull You in Different Directions

In AuDHD people the autistic part of us often craves routine, structure, predictability and familiarity, while the ADHD part craves novelty, change and we dopamine seek.

For people with both Autism and ADHD (often referred to as AuDHD), this can feel like a constant internal tug-of-war.

One part of your brain wants a structured schedule, clear plans and to know exactly what's coming next. Meanwhile, another part wants new experiences, variety and something different to keep things interesting.

So how do you balance two seemingly conflicting needs?

Understanding AuDHD

It was only in 2013 that Autism and ADHD could officially be diagnosed together, whereas previously you could only be diagnosed with Autism or ADHD.

Research suggests that around 30% to 50% of autistic people also have ADHD. Despite how commonly they occur together, greater recognition and understanding of what it means to experience both conditions is relatively recent.

For many AuDHD people, understanding how Autism and ADHD interact can help explain why certain parts of everyday life feel so challenging or exhausting.

The need for routine versus novelty

One of the biggest challenges of AuDHD is managing the competing needs for predictability and change.

The autistic part of your brain might feel most comfortable when you have a familiar routine, know what to expect and can plan your day in advance.

At the same time, the ADHD part might become bored with that routine and crave something new or different.

You might spend time creating a detailed schedule because having structure helps you feel organised and in control, only to find yourself struggling to follow it because you need more variety.

This can be frustrating, particularly when the things that help one part of your brain don't always meet the needs of the other.

Executive functioning and everyday tasks

Both Autism and ADHD can affect executive functioning, but sometimes in different ways.

For people with ADHD, starting a task can be difficult when there's little interest or no immediate dopamine reward.

For autistic people, task initiation can be challenging because of the number of steps involved. Even something that might seem relatively straightforward to someone else can feel overwhelming.

Take having a shower, for example.

There are multiple steps involved in getting ready, showering, drying off and getting dressed. There may also be sensory challenges, such as the temperature or feeling of the water.

When Autism and ADHD occur together, these challenges can overlap, making the executive functioning load even greater.

You might know exactly what you need to do, and genuinely want to do it, but still struggle to get started.

Over time, managing these everyday demands can become incredibly exhausting, particularly when you're also trying to keep up with work, relationships and other responsibilities.

Sensory sensitivities and sensory seeking

Another area where Autism and ADHD can seem to pull in different directions is sensory processing.

The autistic part of your brain might be particularly sensitive to sounds, bright lights or other sensory input.

Meanwhile, the ADHD part might seek out stimulation through movement, fidgeting or having background noise or music playing.

This can create another internal conflict. You might need stimulation to help you focus, while also becoming overwhelmed by too much sensory input.

Finding a balance between these different needs isn't always straightforward, especially when what feels comfortable or helpful can change depending on the situation.

Social interactions and exhaustion

Social situations can also be particularly challenging for AuDHD people.

Sometimes, ADHD traits can make an autistic person appear more socially comfortable than they actually feel.

You might be talkative, speak quickly or make impulsive comments during a conversation. From the outside, it may look as though socialising comes easily to you.

But what people don't necessarily see is the exhaustion afterwards.

Autistic people can find it difficult to read non-verbal cues or understand certain parts of social interactions. When this is combined with ADHD impulsivity, it can lead to a lot of analysing and second-guessing.

You might interrupt someone or blurt something out, only to spend hours afterwards replaying the conversation.

Did I say something wrong? Did I interrupt too much? Did they misunderstand what I meant?

The autistic part of your brain might then become fixated on trying to understand what happened, while you become increasingly critical of yourself for what you said or how you behaved.

This can contribute to significant social fatigue, even when you've enjoyed spending time with people.

Sometimes, what you need afterwards is simply time at home, in your own space, to recover.

Finding what works for your brain

Living with AuDHD can mean constantly trying to balance needs that sometimes feel contradictory.

You might crave structure but struggle to maintain it. You might want social connection but need significant recovery time afterwards. Or you might seek sensory stimulation while also being easily overwhelmed by it.

For people who have only recently been diagnosed, or who are beginning to explore whether they might be neurodivergent, understanding these patterns can be an important part of making sense of their experiences.

At Collective Hope Therapy, we recognise that everyone's experience of neurodivergence is different.

Counselling can provide a space to explore how Autism and ADHD show up in your daily life, understand your individual needs and work out practical ways to manage the challenges you experience.

It's not about changing who you are or forcing yourself to fit into routines and expectations that don't work for you.

It's about developing a better understanding of yourself, finding approaches that work for your brain and feeling more comfortable being who you are.